


honne/tatemae

by orphan_account



Category: Original Work
Genre: Abandonment, Delusions, Gaslighting, Gen, Mild Gore, Ramblings, Self-Hatred, Violent Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 21:50:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9143599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: the contrast between a person's true feelings and desires





	

_Wouldn't it be fun? Just to destroy the world?_

To take all the miserable wastes of flesh and blood, and to tear their flesh apart? Consume their flesh and smile while staring into their terrified eyes? Rip apart their entrails and watch them bleed? Make them suffer twice as much as they've all made you?

Wouldn't it be _fun_? Wouldn't it feel so _soothing_?

Of course it would.

So of course you should.

No one cares about you, no matter how _"good"_ or _"pure"_ you are. No one cares about you, no matter how much love you try to spread. No one cares when your soul is tearing itself apart. So why don't you just rip it all to shreds?

Ah.

You still _care_ about them don't you?

Well, they don't care about you. 

I know they don't. You know they don't.

Why must you go back to them? Why must you always be so insufferable? Can you even see what's going on in front of you?

They laugh, and play, and celebrate, even though you're miserable. They don't talk to you when you're angry or upset. They don't even console you when you're sad and grieving, don't they? Did they care when you were trapped? Did they care when you were abandoned? Did they care when the things you loved were slandered or destroyed? Would they even care if you told them now?

You're just dramatic, aren't you?

_Ha, ha, ha..._

Oh, this is rich.

You don't want them to know, _do you_? You don't want anyone to find out, and even now, you don't even want to believe it yourself. You've convinced yourself that it's not really you, _huh?_

_How deceptive you are!_ Convincing yourself you're a good person, never acknowledging that I'm here.

Well, you can't lie to me, _can you_?

I know all your secrets. I know every little lie you've told, all the little things you hate, all the little insecurities you have. It is inevitable that I would know.

_You resent them, don't you?_

You resent how lucky they are to have people who are there for them. You resent them for having so much fun. You resent them because you can't tell them how much you need them, and if you did, they'd push you away. You resent them because they're so much better, and so much happier than you are. And most of all, you resent them because in your eyes, they keep abandoning you.

_Don't you see?_

It doesn't matter whether or not they'll know, you foolish child.

No matter what you do, or how you act, it will always end the same.

They will abandon you. Sometimes, when you need them the most.

Because no one _wants_ you.

Because no one _needs_ you.

When will you accept that?

Oh, you insolent child...

You're _nobody_. You're _nothing_. No matter how charitable you are, no matter how many stories you fabricate, you and your feelings are _meaningless_.

You contribute nothing.

You _are_ nothing.

Oh, poor baby, _what's wrong_? Sniffling and sobbing like that... Making so much noise, wasting so much time and space.

You're so selfish.

Your friends are so wonderful, your family is so wonderful, you said it yourself, remember? You said you'd love them forever, because they're one of the only good things in your pitiful, meaningless, life. And now you so easily admitted that you _hate_ them.

_**You're so pathetic.** _

You truly are a baby, aren't you. You need someone to take care of you, and love you, and handhold you through everything, or you fall apart.

...

_Ah_ , so you agree!

_**Let me take over then. Let me corrupt you, blind you, and devour you whole.** _

_**We can be so powerful together! I can take care of you. I can protect you even more. You'll never have to be lonely. You'll never have to cry. You won't have to care anymore, you'll no longer have to have a heart of glass, or even a heart at all!** _

_**Hurt them all! Hurt those who hurt you, hurt those who might hurt you!** _

_**Watch them die by your hand.** _

_**All you'll see is red, red, red, until you die, and you'll never be afraid ever again...** _

...

_Still, no?_

_Pathetic._ You can't even defend yourself without me. You are nothing but a wisp of fear and resentment without me. A sad little marionette with tangled strings. A spoiled crying child whom no one wants.

Do you think that this makes you a good person? Do you think you can be redeemed? Do you think that people will just like you more if you just work hard and be the person that society wants? That your loved-ones want?

_Ha._

Lie to yourself some more, if you want. I can wait.

Unlike your delusions of yourself, I am real. I won't die. I can't. Because I'm always hiding in the shadows of your heart and soul.

_I'll come back._

_**I always do.** _


End file.
